tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
