omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
