I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
