hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
