yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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