can we get nightvision for the apartment?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
