lets start a swedish sibling band together
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
