I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
