If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
