Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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