I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
