he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
