I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
