apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
