When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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