Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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