He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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