I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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