Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize