Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
