the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
