I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found puke in my bra..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
