We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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