chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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