I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
