In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
