please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
