I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
