oh god the rape fog is back!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
