Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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