she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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