put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
