My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
