The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
