Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
