eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
