Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
