maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
