Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
