a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
