if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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