sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
