That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
