Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
