Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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