Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
