I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
