I cannot find my penis.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
