I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
