I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
