I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
