my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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