There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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