Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
