ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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