tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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