I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
