i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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