With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
