I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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