note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
