I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
