I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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