Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
