I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
