if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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