I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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