honey bunches of taint.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
