Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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