morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
