I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
